Black-Owned Restaurant #8: Ms. Dahlai's Cafe

I woke up late because I forgot it was daylight savings. I quickly got dressed, kissed my mother goodbye and walked out of my home. I got to work only a few minutes late, but I forgot to eat something at home and knew since I was disciplining myself from eating anything unless it was black-owned, I was going to be extremely hungry all day. While catching up on some studying, I saw one of my favorite co-workers and blew her a kiss; she sent one right back my way. Moments later she walked by and dropped two KitKat's on my desk, and I let out a soft smile. I succumbed to my body’s desire and I ate the candy… I realized at this moment that I did not keep my word. The discipline that I thought I was going to have for the entire month of November, failed.

Around 4:30 PM I began searching for a black-owned restaurant, and I randomly selected Ms. Dahlia’s Cafe. I went home, changed my clothes, and planned to be at the restaurant around 9 PM. Siri said I was only a mile away, so I ended up walking because I just ate a decent size meal at home, and wanted to walk it off. I got to the restaurant around 9:20 pm and I see this sign. I was confused because I thought they were going to be open. I ended up speaking with three of the employees about my “November’s Journey,” and they told me to come back definitely, but I then realized all of this was suppose to happen. I broke my word today about not putting anything in my mouth unless it was black-owned and the restaurant I randomly chose just so happened to be closed when I arrived. My take away: I WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO EAT TONIGHT. Okay, maybe that is a stretch, but point being the universe, God, or just coincidentally, the day I break my word is the same day the black-owned restaurant I go to is closed.

Now for the message …

Some may ask why am I disciplining myself from eating just a snack from a store. I had to ask myself the same question: Why are you starving yourself, Demetrius? I am trying to teach myself discipline… I cannot discipline myself with my finances, I cannot discipline myself against women, and I cannot discipline myself against pornography.

 I was sexually abused 

by a relative when I was five years old and then again when I was thirteen. During which time I began to watch porn as an escape. An escape from the beatings, an escape from not feeling loved, but more than anything, an escape from feeling alone. The pipeline continued… I began to see my beautiful smile, and I had luck with the ladies, so I just had sex instead of watching porn. I substituted watching porn (which itself was an escape from feeling alone and the beatings) with having sex but I realized the entire time I was yearning for love. Love that would be committed, a love that would be unconditional, love from anyone… As I grew older and began to love myself more I slowed down with the women I was dating hence the sex slowed down too; however, the pornography continued.

I am closing this piece down for now. But I have to say something to all the current and former foster children in the world and especially to those who read this post. I will tell my ENTIRE story from the beginning to the end for you. Use my life as an example to never give up no matter what happens.

 I will use my life to shed light on a shattered system.

Thank you, Ms. Dahlia’s Cafe for being closed when I got there. You have indirectly helped me let go some of the weight that secretly laid on my shoulders.

God bless …

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